a wide place

Happy new year! Rather than post a list of New Year’s resolutions, I thought I’d return to my tried-and-true “What worked and what didn’t.” The reason I like this format is it helps me realize what’s already working. Continuing in those areas can be part of my New Year’s resolutions.

I’m not going to talk about homeschooling here, since I recently wrote some detailed posts about that area of my life.

So without further ado!

What worked in 2023

Bucket lists

The kids and I were sitting around the dining table mid-May, just before school finished for the year, and for some reason I began feeling panicky about the long days of summer ahead of us. School hadn’t even ended and it felt like we were already bored.

So I asked them, “What do you want to do this summer?” and Amie began recording everyone’s answers with colored markers on a sheet of printer paper. I added my own ideas and so did David, then we posted the list on the fridge. We also added any plans we’d already made.

Our Bucket List contained grand activities, such as “Travel to Mexico” (David and me) to “Go to Deerfoot camp,” and also many smaller activities, such as “paddleboard on the river,” “go to Pelican Snoballs,” “play Risk,” and “complete the library summer reading challenge.” We didn’t cross off every item, but we did far more than we expected. I’m sad that I seem to have thrown the list away so I can’t show it to you. I also would have liked to have kept it as a record of our summer. Now I know for summer 2024.

We made a much shorter Bucket List for Christmas break, and we took things a step further by adding our to-do items, like “Paint living room” and “Take Judah to transfer his car title.” You can tell we’re a list family when we found ourselves quickly scribbling in the spontaneous activity we just completed just so we could cross it off.

A bucket list gives just enough structure to our days that we feel the mix of doing something fun with slower, less busy days, and really helps with boredom and feeling appreciative of small moments together. For instance, when we were lying around on a rainy afternoon last week, David glanced at our list and said, “Let’s start a puzzle.”

I highly recommend Bucket Lists!

Dyson vacuum

In 2023 David let me invest in the Dyson cordless vacuum — after years of my cheap upright vacuums breaking and reading way too many reviews and asking friends if the cost was worth it. It’s been a game-changer. I’ll let you know if it was worth the price if it holds up a good five years, but for this first year it’s been amazing.

What do I love? The simplicity of vacuuming with a cordless vacuum — it’s light and easy to transport. The suction is far better than any vacuum we’ve owned, it works great on wood and rugs. It reaches under most of our furniture. And it’s light enough that the kids easily use it for their chores. Actually Amie loves to use it and now does most of the household vacuuming for me. She says it relaxes her.

Hobbies

I knew I was beginning to find true rest this year when my desires started changing. Instead of feeling like I was in survival mode and just needed to be alone, I suddenly wanted to do things I couldn’t even consider in the last several years … attend a Growth Group (our church’s version of small groups), help lead a Growth Group, and consider a creative hobby.

Returning to knitting is an example of Instagram serving me well; I saw David’s cousin’s wife post a knitting project and suddenly wanted to dig out my needles and give it another try.

This fall I also considered returning to baking sourdough bread or brewing kombucha, but then didn’t because I already spend a lot of time in the kitchen for meals. I love knitting because it has nothing to do with preparing food — or really anything else from my typical day. It helps me hang out with my family and just relax instead of mentally running through my to-do list. Right now I’m still knitting very simple hats, but I’d like to expand to a new pattern soon.

Another hobby that I returned to is book club! I helped start our book club with a friend many years ago (is book club as old as Cola Pres? Maybe so), and then had to take a three or four-year break. Suddenly, at the end of the year, I looked at my calendar and it felt spacious. I asked Jessica, “What’s the November book?” And when she told me, I downloaded it to my Kindle from the library app, read it and showed up to the meeting. The rest is history.

I’m so happy to be back apart of this group that I love, talking and arguing and laughing about books.

Scripture memory with my kids

I included this point in my recent homeschool post, but it bears repeating. I’ve struggled to be disciplined in memorizing Scripture, but since I’ve now included it in our school day, I’m actually doing it! We spend about 5 minutes a day on our memory verses, four days a week, and it’s been encouraging to see just how much we can memorize with such short amounts of consistency.

Having another driver in the family

It was harder than I expected when Judah got his driver’s license. I was so excited for his new independence but also knew our lives would change and I had many sentimental moments. However, a few months in, I have to say it’s been a huge blessing.

Judah drives himself and Amie to classes, Amie’s orthodontist appointments, and now to and from work. I miss the accumulation of minutes that he and I spent in the van together, chatting while running errands or headed to activities. We have to search for those minutes at other times.

I’ll admit that I’ve become the mother who can never exactly rest easy while I know he’s driving to and fro — not because I don’t trust his skills, but just because. I determined early on not to stay glued to my phone, tracking his location, and thankfully I’ve avoided that.

But I’ve also become the mom who pushes back her bedtime to greet her teenager after he gets off work at 10:00. I want to sit with him as he eats leftovers or a bowl of cereal and hear all about his shift. If I’m getting sleepy, David or Amie will stay up. I’m rarely out of bed before 7:00 these days, but I don’t mind at all.

Mostly, I’m just happy to see Judah growing up, learning all these new things, taking on new responsibilities, becoming the man God created him to be.

Using bolder paint colors in our home

Here’s a little review of what we painted this year:

Amie’s room is Hale Navy, by Benjamin Moore.

Gabe and Noah’s room is Refuge Blue, by Sherwin Williams.

And the living room Peacock House, by Valspar. Yes, we definitely have a moody paint color theme happening. If you’re wondering, we have no immediate plans for painting anything else. But who knows what could happen in 2024.

The Next Right Thing Journal

One of my very favorite discoveries in 2023 was The Next Right Thing Guided Journal by Emily P. Freeman. I ordered it after seeing a review by the Lazy Genius (I believe it’s saved in her IG stories if you want a more in-depth explanation).

It’s an undated, twelve-month journal that’s designed to help you make decisions by tracking what energizes you and what drains you.

But it also provides space for a gratitude list and a “Happy List” — recording what you’ve read, watched, and made each month.

I love this journal!

You don’t need to write in it daily, but do need to set aside some time at the beginning of the month and a couple times throughout. I like to update it about once a week, which turns out to be the perfect pace for me.

It’s been such a sweet way to track what happens in our family, first in a month, then in an entire season. At the end of each season there are a few blank pages to answer the question “What did I learn in this season?” As a person who tends to focus on all I’m not doing well, I’ve been humbled and grateful to see the ways I actually do learn and grow in each season.

Perhaps most importantly, there’s a “Questions” page to jot down questions/decisions churning in my mind in any given month. I think the single most important thing I’ve seen from keeping this journal is how many of the anxious questions and decisions that keep me up at night are answered sooner than I expect (most within that very month), and to see God’s faithfulness in the answers — even if they aren’t what I initially wanted.

It also helps me to see patterns of things that drain me and make some important decisions about ending a few commitments. Of course we can’t give up everything that drains us. But it’s surprising how much creeps onto my to-do list just because I don’t want to say no (or simply don’t think through it carefully, factoring in my limitations). They may have been wonderful opportunities, but now they just aren’t the right fit for me or aren’t right for this season.

So now on to the second half of this post . . .

What didn’t work in 2023

Having a small purse

When all my kids were old enough that I realized I was no longer hauling around diapers or wipes or water bottles, I decided that I wanted a cute, very trim purse. To me it was an indication that I was Moving On with my life. Also, I could never seem to keep a tote-sized purse tidy. So a couple Christmases ago I asked for the Mini-Crossbody bag from Portland Leather Goods (my favorite place to buy a purse).

While it is a very cute little bag, I almost instantly regretted that I could not fit a book in it! I mean I could if the book was small, but who wants to carry around a small book? Or just one book, for that matter? How will I know what kind of reading mood I’ll be in? And what if the Costco line is excessively long?

I hated to be fickle, so gave it a couple of years and then bit the bullet and choose the large tote bag from PLG this Christmas. I justified the purchase by choosing a less expensive bag from their “almost-perfect” section, with another sale stacked on top. On Christmas Day, Amie inherited the crossbody, which she is thrilled with. It’s the perfect size for her.

I have to laugh at this photo of my Christmas gifts, because clearly I received not only a larger purse, but an actual canvas tote bag. David continues to be bewildered by my obsession with bags. I just feel like you can never have too many.

During the church service last Sunday, I rummaged around in my new purse for a pen and discovered the following: a ball of yarn, a license plate, a Rubix cube, the lid from my coffee travel mug, a hand-me-down dress for Amie’s friend, and two books to return to people. And that’s when I accepted the fact that a large, untidy purse is just right for me.

Neglecting the budget

Friends, I did not do well tracking our budget in 2023. This is a perpetual weakness of mine, and one I am determined to overcome. Ugh. I don’t like to think about money. It gives me anxiety.

The irony is that I seem to feel free to spend it — on myself and on others — while I’m studiously not thinking about it.

The other irony is that not knowing what I’m spending or what we have left in any given category for the month increases my money anxiety. But I don’t want to know the answer so I put off looking at the credit card statement. So the cycle continues.

I should clarify here that we pay off our credit card balance each month (we use it for points), so are living within our means. I’m not talking about large purchases, which I always talk about with David, or about going into debt. I’m talking about the small, everyday purchases that stack up. I’m talking about blurring the line between “want” and “need” when I’m at Target or poking around on Amazon.

Therefore, in 2024 I’m recommitting myself to our Goodbudget app, which syncs between our two phones, so that we both know where we stand on a given day — so we can know whether we can buy new running shoes for Judah this month or whether we should wait, whether we can eat out again as a family or whether we’ve maxed out that line item.

I plan to do this by keeping a running list of those gray-area items in my phone, then consulting it at the end of the month, to see whether I should purchase any of them or not.

A reading schedule

After listening to an intriguing podcast episode, I made myself a seven-day-a-week reading schedule. Yes, I did that. Here’s what it looked like:

Monday – Education

Tuesday – Parenting/Special Needs

Wednesday – Theology/Christian Living

Thursday – Biography

Friday – Nonfiction

Saturday – Sabbath reading

Sunday – Poetry

Do I wish I was the kind of person who would follow this schedule? Yes, I do. Am I that person? No. Not at all. So now I just read. And I’m perfectly happy.

My exercise plans

I killed it in the area of exercise in 2022, joining a gym, attending three fitness classes a week, gaining 5 lbs of muscle.

Then our schedule changed and with the kids’ activities I just couldn’t consistently make class times. After my one-year contract ended this summer, I left that gym, which kind of broke my heart.

I spent a couple months at David’s gym, working out with my friend, Melissa, then she got a new job and couldn’t come in the afternoons.

I’m just not good at going to the gym alone if there’s no class — or going super early in the mornings like my other friends do.

So, while I faithfully walked my dog, strength-training really suffered this year. I’m not a person who loves to exercise. It’s work for me, and not fun work. It’s so easy to choose just about anything I “need” to do instead.

But as with my budget app, I’m beginning again. I’ve started jogging a mile every other day and plan to work up to two, which seems to be the limit before my knees start bothering me. Before Christmas I did a trial of the Ballet Beautiful website and enjoyed it because the workouts are low-impact, which I need, and I can choose anything from a 10 minute video to an hour (which I would never, ever do). My goal for next week is to start it again.

Here’s to getting back in shape this year!

Ageing

What? How did “ageing” not work in 2023!?

Well, I was truly happy to turn 40 in 2021. It didn’t bother me one bit.

But I’ll be 42 this month, and somehow I feel . . . differently about the whole thing. Like I’m suddenly confronted with how much stock I put in my own image. And that image is ageing, my friends.

I have a few gray hairs. And wrinkles. And things seem to be sagging in ways they didn’t use to. Plus this year my hair changed. Is it thinning? Or just more limp?

Previously, when looking at photos I thought I looked fairly cute. Now when I look at photos, my daughter looks cute and I look middle-aged.

See what I mean?

Just kidding. That was me at the Barnes & Noble 50% off sale, wondering how on earth to narrow down my book stack. But admit it, you know what I’m talking about.

It’s not hard for me to admit this to you — of course I’m ageing! — but what is hard is admitting how much it bothers me. Just like I thought I’d never be the mom sitting around worrying about my teenager out driving at 10:00 pm, I also never thought I’d bemoan my youthful looks.

Well, God has a way of humbling me.

I spent much of 2024 feeling quite insecure about my looks. Which was reflected in the Instagram ads I received labeled “Get rid of frown wrinkles without Botox.”

But you know what? This week I decided to stop feeling insecure.

I’m getting older. I am, that is the reality. This means I’m getting closer to meeting Jesus face to face. And my body will deteriorate until that day comes — whether it’s in 3 weeks or 30 years.

It’s not wrong to want to be attractive — to choose flattering clothes or get a nice haircut or take care of my skin. But obsessing about it, allowing my mood to be affected by how I look, comparing myself to others, isn’t okay. It steals my joy and makes me the focus, rather than God first and then the people around me.

Every time I’m tempted to feel insecure, I’ve starting asking the Lord to let that be a cue to lean into worshiping and enjoying Him more in my getting-older season of life, to cultivate the “hidden person of the heart” by reading more Scripture and memorizing it and singing hymns and praying.

This is the path to a freedom and joy that physical beauty would never be able to give me anyway, as so many who’ve gone before me can testify.

Instagram

Speaking of insecurity, I did a brief experiment with getting back on Instagram after a several-year break. I really wanted to connect with out-of-town friends and family, and to have a place to post about books.

But after a couple of months, I realized once again that Instagram and Facebook don’t produce good fruit in my life. I waste more time, spend more money, and struggle more with discontentment and anxiety (and insecurity about my looks!).

So I disabled my account and joined Goodreads instead as a way to track my reading and connect with friends over books. So far, it’s felt very peaceful.

And that’s all, friends! If you’ve made it to the end of this long post, I thank you. I’d love to hear what worked for you and what didn’t last year.

For now, I’m headed off to update our budget, and will leave you with a picture of something else that worked for me in 2023: our 60 pound lap dog.

Happy New Year!